Sometimes life blindsides us in ways we would have never imagined. Being literally stunned with a classic jaw dropping response. Nearly one month ago, we experienced one of those never imagined or expected moments. It only took a moment to read a text and answer the phone and not know how to respond. Disbelief was the first emotional wave, followed by a second that choked out any acceptable response. Two people, dearly loved. One apologizing, the other angrily blaming. 

Someone recently shared a quote with me; "If standing up for yourself burns bridges, I have matches. We ride at dawn." Admittedly, I found this to be humorous and sarcastic and nailing it at the same time. And yet? There was a part of me that felt justified in burning both relational bridges. I was hurt. I was angry. I didn't cause the damage and yet I felt the heartbreaking impact. How dare they? Lots of tears and confusion. I was at a complete loss in knowing what to do. On one hand, I had an individual who couldn't believe that they actually did what they did. On the other hand, I had an individual who was angrily accusing me and finding fault with how I handle things.....both now and in the past. There was no space for me to communicate and I walked away. Heartbroken and angry. Angry over having been dropped into a scene as the villain. So I waited. I cried, I prayed, I had imaginary conversations that could right the wrong. Over and over for a couple of weeks. 

I scheduled an appointment with a Christian therapist to look at what took place through the lense of someone not relationally involved. Did I miss something? Was I deceiving myself and not seeing what I may have done to cause this? The takeaway was no. I did not miss anything and yes, I was in a no win situation. May I have a third option please? There wasn't one, until now. 

I don't want to burn bridges. If defending myself will put a relationship to death I won't do it. In Unconditional Ministries, one of the things we will say to folks processing relational fractures is "It's not about being right". Oh how my flesh wants to be right. Self righteous pride wants to seize the day. At what expense? A relationship with someone I love? No. I will choose to lay down how I feel if that is what has to happen to keep the bridge intact. There is far too much at stake and although I do not know what type of scarring there will be from this, I'm not willing to walk away so I can tell myself I'm right. 

There is a draft in my email that is nearly ready to send. I don't know how it will be received. I may be called out and told I'm a mess. I may not get any response. And, I may be able to move forward in a relationship that is priceless to me. I pray the latter outcome is where we land. 

Jesus took all of the relational baggage of all people for all of time on Himself to make a way for us to be in right relationship with our Heavenly Father. How can I even consider grabbing the verbal matches and watch a a love relationship become a pile of ashes? 

What about you? Are there relationships you have that are strained because someone has to be right? Is the someone you? What might you do today to guard or restore a relationship in your life?

If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. Roman 12:18