The memory is distant most days, yet the emotions of those days, weeks and even months can be close enough to touch. The memories and emotions that were and are a part of the crazy cycle. Most of us have experienced them in one variety or another. The circular thoughts, emotions and assumptions that can merge into a toxic and consuming pattern. 

When we first discovered our son was gay, back in the most closeted of days, we were in a maze of crazy cycles. I think of the custom dog dishes to slow down the eating and sometimes inhaling of kibble. We have friends with a Corgi and that furry boy walks around the dish maze and eats nearly as fast.

I had a pattern similar to our Corgi friend. I would tell myself to slow down and  change direction, yet I would somehow keep circling around and around, inhaling thoughts that got me nowhere. I would find myself in the same dead-end, no win internal dialog. As that continued I would want comfort and I'd find myself thinking about the false comforts that were once my norm. Food. Lots of food and healthy was not on the mental menu. At one point, the thought of smoking popped into my head like a freakish thought bubble. Really? Like smoking would help. Fortunately, gratefully, I remembered how God had helped me break free from self destructive patterns. The thoughts would come, but I did not need to act on them. 

I was weepy. I was edgy. I was distraught and at times, I was inconsolable. I wanted "it"  to stop. 

Have you ever been there? Have you found yourself going around and around with the same going nowhere kind of thinking? Were you able to hit the stop button and redirect your thoughts? 

The answer I was given then and my answer now, is to look up. Look to God. Look to His truth in Scripture and he will lead and guide you out of the crazy cycle. Every time those thoughts come back around, those toxic debilitating what if's and why's, look up. God is faithful and He is where you will find the solid ground you need to stand.