Unconditional Conference North Point Church 

                                             “We draw circles, not lines.”

                                                      Andy Stanley

 Yesterday, Gordie and I listened to Andy Stanley’s message to his church following the Unconditional Conference and the controversy surrounding it. I was holding my breath, not being 100% sure where it would land. I’m not a newsie, so I haven’t been scrolling news feeds and social media. 

 In 2011, we began the journey of what would eventually lead to Unconditional Ministries. Because of our painful and isolated journey as Christian parents with a gay son, we knew God wanted us to reach out to other parents.  We met Christopher Yuan shortly afterward at our son and daughter-in-law’s church in Elgin, IL. Later the same year, we attended the two conferences the Yuan’s recommended, where they would be sharing how God had brought them in from “A Far Country.” Christopher and Angela co-authored the book with that title. God did bring them into the fold, and the impact their journey has made in the lives of people around the world is astounding. 

 Stepping back even further in time, the day after Thanksgiving in 2008, I met Justin Lee, the founder and director of GCN, The Gay Christian Network based in Raleigh, NC. Our son had moved there in May of the same year and was the Director of Operations. He had a seizure the day before (he had never had one before), and this Mom was a mess.

 I remember walking out of RDU and seeing Nate. Tears of relief that he was okay and that I could be with him. The day before, Justin had called once Nate was in the ER and being looked at. Not Justin Lee. The “other” Justin who was at Nate’s apartment getting ready to dive into a Thanksgiving pizza. Nate walked into the kitchen to get the holiday pie and went down like a tree being felled. Justin had the wherewithal to take Nate’s phone and call us. Not what you want to hear when your spouse answers a call from someone you don’t know. I was setting the table, and Gordie was in the other room. “Yes, I’m his father,” is all I heard before I fell to my knees. The scramble to make flight arrangements followed.

 So when I could see Nate and hug him hard, I asked, “Which of you is Justin?”. Two hands raised, and I found Justin, who called us. Hug number two. I walked over to the driver, Justin Lee, and embraced him as well. 

 There was nowhere else I would rather be. Completely out of anything resembling a comfort zone and being able to love on my firstborn. We purchased a cheap tree from Target with a few baubles, not quite Charlie Brown style, but close. It didn’t matter. I met a few other friends and I had my first exposure to a chocolatier. Flavor combinations that were not  tempting even to me! 

 After having some tests, we found out Nate had some misfiring going on with his brain. There would be a number of seizures during his seven years in Raleigh. 

 Back to the early years of Unconditional Ministries. We did travel to both of the conferences the Yuan’s recommended. In January of 2012, Gordie and I attended the first GCN (Gay Christian Network) conference in Orlando. We held onto one another in the hotel room before entering into what would eventually be a space of familiarity. Not that first year….we cried out to God and told him what he already knew. “We can’t do this!” Truth be told, we still can’t, but we no longer have the fears and confusion we did then. It was a rough conference, with the purpose of helping folks understand one another. Many gay Christians had been traumatized by conversion therapy and that was the backdrop. I chose to leave the main session to find a prayer room. I was knocked over by the tensions reverberating across the room. There was a lot of anger, coming  from hurting and wounded people. Not unjustified, but this gathering was to bring clarity and healing. Justin Lee's heart has always been one to help, not to harm.

 Listening to Andy Stanley articulate the heart behind North Point Unconditional Conference was like listening to our journey in Unconditional Ministries. North Point has the amazing opportunity and immense responsibility to draw large circles. I admire and respect the way Stanley’s church wants to help this be the last generation of Christian parents who find themselves isolated and closeted once their LGBTQ+ child comes out. 

 Over the years, I have said that in spite of Nate being raised in a loving Christian community, he still didn’t feel safe enough to tell anyone, and there was something wrong with that. We did not know how to embrace and engage with those who didn’t look like us, think like us, or believe like us. There was and is something wrong with that. We have learned so much. Because our son is gay. We have heard stories; we have listened and heard. We have wept over those stories, and guess what? Those stories from folks wrestling with the way they felt, their faith, and what their families might do and say, those stories look nothing like ours. We are better because we have heard them. Our lives are richer because we have learned to live outside of our comfort zone. We would have missed so much.

 Unconditional Ministries has amazing opportunities and immense responsibility to draw smaller circles. And so do you. Wherever you are, whatever your story may be, if you love and follow Jesus, you have an amazing opportunity and an immense responsibility. 

 Where are you drawing circles? We would love to hear your story. Share your comments below.